We explain what it is to be assertive, how it manifests itself and various examples. Also, why not write "assertive".
What does it mean to be assertive?
Someone is assertive when they are able to express their opinion or your needs in a firm, but not hostile manner. That is, the assertiveness it is an intermediate point between passivity (letting others decide for you) and aggressiveness (dominating others and imposing your own Will). Therefore, one person assertive or an assertive comment are those that affirm their will without violating that of others.
Assertiveness is considered a worth and a desirable trait in people, since it greatly facilitates negotiation and communication. A conduct assertive clearly states what you want without necessarily entering into conflict.
For this, it is necessary to express the information subjective (desires, wishes, opinions) in such a way that they are not rude, hurtful, inappropriate or harmful, neither for the speaker himself nor for third parties.
This term began to be used in the field of psychology since the mid-twentieth century, when the American psychologist Andrew Salter (1914-1996) proposed it as one of the traits that make up the personality of people, so that there would be people with greater assertiveness and others with less assertiveness. On the other hand, he suggested that assertiveness can be learned and trained.
Examples of assertiveness are situations such as the following:
- When a person can politely refuse a proposal that is not for their benefit, and not lose the respect or affection of their interlocutor.
- When a person can ask another for something firmly and explicitly, but without the need to bark orders and meet with resistance.
- When a person can express her opinion on a controversial issue without hurting the susceptibilities of the rest of the listeners.
- When a person can anticipate an upcoming conflict and tackle it in time through compromise or a win-win dynamic (rather than win-lose).
- When a person feels authorized to question the authority or status quo, without the need to appear as a rebel or an insubordinate.
- When a person can openly show her emotionality (both positive and negative) without hurting others or repressing her inner world.
Assertive or assertive?
According to the Royal Spanish Academy, the correct spelling of "assertive" is with "s" and not with "c". This is because the word comes from the Latin assertus, translatable as "affirmation of the certainty of something", and composed of the voices ad- ("towards"), serere (“interweave” or “chain”).